I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
