somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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