I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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