I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
