saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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