It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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