Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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