I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
