I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
