It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
