soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
