Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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