Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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