I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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