just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
