Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
