Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
