i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
