that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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