i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
