Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
