i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
