he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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