Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
