definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
