I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize