Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
