I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
