A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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