i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
