The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
