So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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