What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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