Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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