my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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