i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize