didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
