please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
