Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My bed smells like the plague
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