Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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