Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
