I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
