I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
