Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
