i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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