I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
