He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
