Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
