hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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