Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i drank out of a bidet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
