Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
