Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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