I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize