when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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