Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
