Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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