Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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