I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
only you would photoshop your dick
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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