No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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