If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
