please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
