My hand turned me down
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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