Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
