I'm really into asian looking animals
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
