I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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