Where is the hickey?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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