mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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