I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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