well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
