where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
