I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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