im drinking this country out of the recession.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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