I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
